February 27th - Day One!
(To hear more about this crazy project visit my first post about it here)
Directed by Ridley Scott (From Blade Runner to Legend...okay)
Released in 1985 in the UK 1986 in the US
Tom Cruise was 22-23
Mia Sara was 16
Tim Curry was fabulous
What I remember of this movie before it starts is Tom Cruise as a weird man/boy and Tim Curry as an evil Devil like thing. The chick from Ferris Bueller gets kidnapped or something by Tim Curry and the world almost turns evil. There are unicorns involved and weird trolls. And that's about it.
- Oh it has those kind of special effects...I'm sorry Tim Curry
- Awww the evil ones rhyme
- Maybe I should watch Ferris Bueller next.
- Oooh I feel like these play this soundtrack in River Center Mall...or at least in the nature store
- Tom Cruise looks like Peter Pan
- Why does she have glitter all over her face?
- "Don't you trust me?" ummmm yah don't put that blindfold on
- Too bad The Last Unicorn came out before I was born...the dialogue is much better and America did the soundtrack.
- Those poor horses
- And inconsistent accent award goes to Tom Cruise...
- And a woman destroys peace...typical.
- OMG the trolls are so flamboyant it's amazing...look at that sass
- oh nevermind they're goblins apparently...my bad
- Why is the snow sparkling?
- Oh ya there's a fairy! Ummm did the Fairy just touch Tom's ass?
- Oh god this little fairy boy is going to so get on my nerves
- I feel like we're in Narnia...a weird drunk Narnia
- And Tom's crying...and there's no accent anymore just normal Cruise voice I'm cool with that
- Yah yah, there's always a Last Unicorn
- Ooh yah Oona- she's worse than Gump! And she tells Jack "I can be anything you want" you're a child stop that!
- Also why is everyone covered in stripper glitter
- Oh you're a really bad crier Lily- Do the goblins have guns?
- Lily you're useless
- Thank god this movie is only an hour and a half...
- Ewwwwww you're gross....green swamp goblin thing....so gross
- Kill it!!!!
- Oh yah I remember her annoying breathing...and eventually her voices gets weird and low and kind guttural
- Hey it's that one guy, he played a weird troll/gnome thing in some other movie too
- Ooona that is inappropriate, he loves someone else don't ask that
- Uuuhhhhh no Jack, uhhg teenagers are stupid, she's not real!
(Hey Sookie joined me! She doesn't seem to like the movie either... Bellatrix is cool with it. Although neither seems to like my commentary)
- Yah hissing will scare them Gump...good job, even Tom thinks you're exasperating
- Lily how did your clothes get so torn up so quickly, it's been a day chid
- Oh yah dangle diamond's in front of her and she'll forget she's lost her love and in some weird underworld...uhg
- oh yah the creepy dementor dancing and the weird guttural noises, I remember this
- Don't dance with it, it's creepy!
- See what happens when you dance, you turn goth! Sparkly goth!
- Oh Tim Curry you're so fabulous.
- Yah, just gasp and don't communicate that'll help your situation
- Gump you suck, like he's going to give up it's Tom Cruise he always gets his girl
- The music is definitely different now...very rock opera-esque
- No means no...so I guess never means like really no
- Really Darkness you're just as bad as Jack and Lily, you really believe her shit?
- Okay Lily your accent sucks now too, especially in that low register
- Yah that wasn't very subtle Jack
- Really you think arrows would stop Darkness?
- I'm so glad Tom can fight in a a sparkly dress.
- I really don't remember this ending...I know Jack and Lily win but still...
- How does he end up in space? I'm so confused...
- Awww Tom you cleaned up so fast.
- Loved by the Sun...no just no. Or Yes...cause you know the singer...
- So the moral was the usual right, women cause the world to almost end and a man had to save the girl and the world...
- Hey look Tim Curry lives!
Okay final thoughts. Glad this was a shorter movie...it just does not stand the test of time. I remember liking it as a kid and thinking it was cool and stuff, but it's been 30 years and now it just looks sad and dated. Like old bad TV movies from the 90s with lots of glitter and fairies. Tom Cruise started off with an accent then lost it very quickly and became the Tom we all know and love today. Mia was obnoxious the whole time...seriously I have no idea what that chick's motivations were. Tim Curry you're perfect never change. The elfs and goblins and fairies were sooooooooooo annoying. Seriously they were creepy and useless.
The story was pretty blah too. Women touches something she shouldn't touch because a stupid guy in love "wanted to show her something". So of course she touches it and the world falls apart into evil. Then the guy in love has to save the girl because she caused Evil to happen and the entire world almost falls apart because of it....blah blah blah, love conquers all and good triumphs over the fabulous Tim Curry.
OMG the music was like the nature store music you heard in the malls in the 90s it was hysterical. Then the costumes were useless too. One fairy was wrapped in medical gauze, Tom was in a giant sequined dress armor and Lily's clothes kept getting more and more disheveled and torn even though she wasn't really doing anything but running and making weird gasping noises.
Overall it was a fun movie to snark watch, would have been better with friends instead of just my cats, but it's cool. My running commentary above is what I would have said if I'd watched it with my friends...or Haley since I remember her really liking this movie too.
Tyler ranking: B+ B movie.
It was good for a B movie, but not enough to be an A+ B movie...