Friday, December 23, 2011

I love Christmas, but I kinda wish it would go away already

I just can't get into the Christmas spirit this year.  I just can't do it! I've tried, really I have.  I watched "Love Actually" with Bruce while decorating our tree and living room.  We watched "Hook" because he said it was a Christmas movie.  I watched "Mean Girls" while steaming my couches cause hey there's a Christmas scene in it.  I just haven't felt Christmasy.

Usually by Thanksgiving evening I turn my radio to the San Antonio Christmas Station and listen to nothing else to Christmas Day.  But this year I kept getting so annoyed with it and switched back to Garbage on my iPod, or Drive-By Truckers.  I just couldn't do it!  At work I was sometimes able to listen to the Pandora Christmas station, mostly because they played a lot of Michael Buble Christmas music and I do love me some Buble. I compromised and listened to Rent- totally a Christmas musical- but had to keep turning it down so my office neighbors wouldn't hear the lyrics.

As of Monday I had yet to buy a single Christmas gift.  I had barely given it a thought! I just couldn't figure out what to get everyone! I started going out on my lunch breaks and knocked out some of the family members on my list but still it felt like I was just getting it out of the way.

I just don't feel Christmasy!!!  Maybe it's because it's my first Christmas since I left SAC, maybe it's because money has been tight this year, maybe it's because mama almost died earlier this year, maybe it's because I haven't sang Christmas Karaoke ONCE this year! maybe it's because Haley has a baby and everything will forever be different, maybe it's because I bought a house this year, maybe it's because in the next few years we may have a baby, maybe it's because I don't have a chimney, maybe it's because I'm afraid my puppies will eat my Christmas tree and it's behind a baby gate, maybe it's because we're all getting older and we'll all forever be different.

Maybe it's because I didn't watch Ally McBeal. Usually this time of year I re-watch Ally McBeal and see all the fabulous Christmas episodes.  The one with the Christmas Unicorn, the one where Elaine finds a baby in Jesus' spot in a manger.  The one where Elaine tries to sing with Taye Diggs pissing off Renee.  But Ally McBeal always makes me super emotional and Haley says I can't watch it unless I'm in a different frame of mind (she says that in her way).

I don't know, I'm just in a Christmas funk.  I haven't wanted to watch "Prancer" or "Little Women" or "Meet Me In St. Louis" either.

I did at least discover a new Christmas song that I am in love with and whenever I hear it this year it does make me happy.