Art in Education

When I was in Elementary School I remember always seeing the ads on TV for “Save the Music”. Musicians and artists would come on TV for PSAs talking about schools cutting music programs due to costs and such. I never really knew what they were talking about because my elementary and middle schools all had very strong music programs that I was very much involved in. When I went to High School it was another story. I went to the North East School of the Arts (NESA) at Robert E. Lee (I also went to ISA but that’s another story). At NESA I was a musical theatre major in a class of 17. From the start of the program we were trained by amazing teachers. Mrs. Bianco, our voice teacher, was an amazing performer and great teacher, she helped all of us find things in our voices that weren’t there before NESA. Ms. Starnes our dance teacher and later Ms. Mabry pushed lots of us to our dancing breaking point leaving all of us sore in places were weren’t being sore in “My body doesn’t bend that Ms. Starnes”. Mr. Connelly our acting teacher put us through the most amazing acting exercises that made us an extremely close knit class. All throughout NESA these 17 classmates were my best friend and all of that is because of Mr. Connelly, he made us best friends, people we relied on and needed to be with. I’ve never experienced anything like it before then or since then. We were able to work on our craft everyday for HOURS and it never felt like work because it was what we all loved and enjoyed. When we did shows, sometimes we were at school from 7 AM till 11 PM. We’d be exhausted but we’d always show up the next day. This of course instilled in us a great work ethic. Musical Theatre was everything but we still had to do well in our academic classes to stay in the program. Musical Theatre was almost like the reward for going to High School. Well as I’m sure some of y’all have heard, yesterday there was an announcement that NESA may be a casualty of the NEISD budget crisis. Dr. Middleton (NEISD Superintendent) is considering either laying off some of the teachers or cutting the entire program. The average High School student costs the district $6,500 a year while a NESA student costs about $8,000. But look what you get out of it. Dr. York notes that 99% of NESA student go to college and last year alone NESA students received over $10 million in college scholarships. NESA students do better academically and on standardized tests too. The idea that NESA may not be around next year is heartbreaking. I know that NESA made up such a huge part of who I am and has influenced and effected my entire life. If it wasn’t for NESA I wouldn’t have learned about ISA (my other magnet school) and I wouldn’t have graduated in the top 5% of my class, allowing me to get amazing scholarships, that allowed me to go to an amazing private university. I owe so much to NESA. I had some amazing life experiences there too. I just am so sad. My little sister Grace is there now and I just can’t imagine making all those students in their first few years of High School go back to their districts and their own high schools. If you want more information or want to join a Facebook group about it please see the following links:

Video:
http://www.foxsanantonio.com/newsroom/top_stories/videos/vid_949.shtml

News Article:
http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/education/Cost_may_kill_NEISD_School_of_the_Arts.html

Facebook Group:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=246423119716&ref=mf

"When You Say You Love Me"

When you say “I love you” everything changes. When you actually say it out loud to someone where they can hear it and understand what you’re saying then things are never the same. I’ve said, “I love you” (and meant it) to 3 guys that weren’t my friends or family members. The guys have always said it first; I’ve always been too scared. That first time it’s spoken in a relationship, though, that’s the best. That first time you hear someone say “I love you” the world kinda stops for a minute and if it’s welcomed then sheer joy follows. Then time picks back up and you say “I love you” or “I love you too” or “love ya” all the time. The words then get said a dozen times a day to that person and they become almost a required part of the relationship. If they aren’t said once then the worrying begins. But at the same time since they are being thrown around so frequently they become a habit and almost just a secondary response. Only sporadically do you stop to think about the words you’re saying to make sure that their real meaning is still there and being understood. But that first time, the first time you say “I love you” is the scariest, the best, the worst and all feelings in between.

In high school I told all my friends I loved them. My musical theatre class was really close, there were only 17 of us, and we were constantly throwing “I love you”s around. This slowly leaked over to my life with all my friends. Phone conversations (this was definitely before Texting) always ended with “I love you” or “love ya”. I didn’t really date in high school to the point where “I love you” was ever even proposed so I didn’t have to deal with telling someone I loved them and having those feelings not reciprocated and the drama that I’m sure would have followed.

My first college boyfriend and I had been dating a little over two months when he first told me. He said he had wanted to tell me after the first month but refused cause he “knew” it was too early. I think I kinda worked the actual “I love you” out of him cause we were standing outside somewhere and I was complaining about not knowing how he felt about me and he said something along the lines of “you know I love you”. I didn’t say it back right away, I waited probably another two weeks or so. Again this was before Texting too so we said it on the phone a lot, also we lived in separate cities the phone was a large part of our relationship. We dated for about a year and over the summer I went away to camp as a counselor and we had tons of phone calls and actual letters that ended with “I love you”, the letters probably were just singed “love” but I can’t really remember. All I know is that with him I did not overuse “I love you” I really tried to only say it at the end of calls or when I was actually with him. It didn’t need to be said a hundred times a day or constantly when I was with him- it was fine we knew we were in love so lets move on. And then one day I moved on. One day I woke up and realized I wasn’t in love. I didn’t know this person I’d been with for a year and was worried that the love wasn’t there.

But where does the love go when you break up with someone? How do you just fall out of love with someone you’ve been with for a while or that you thought you could love forever? When you’re broken up with I understand the falling out of love thing. A**hole broke your heart so yah you’re not gonna love the jerk anymore. Dumba** cheats on you again totally understandable to fall out of love. But are there other ways to fall out of love? I guess sometimes you later find out things about a person that you didn’t originally know and that can make you fall out of love but that’s more sudden. It’s the slow fading out of love that troubles me. When over a period of months you just become indifferent towards the person and you try to convince yourself that it’s still love but one day it’s gone. It makes you wonder if it was really love to begin with.

The next time I said I love you was with my ex-fiancé. We started dating in the spring of my sophomore year of college and it took us about 5 months to become actual “boyfriend/girlfriend”. But before he even asked me be his girlfriend he told me he was falling in love with me. The day he told me he actually loved me was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend, almost 5 months to the day since we met and started seeing each other. He just said it the once and I started to cry and told him I’d be his girlfriend but didn’t say I love you. I finally told him I loved him about 2 months later. Again it wasn’t a frequent occurrence of the words and eventually I said it more than him. I always told him I loved him when I saw him, when I left him, on the phone, for lots of reasons. We were together another year and a half after that. But the last 5 months of our relationship were like the first 5 only reversed. We slowly learned that we weren’t right for each other and the love was there we both admitted to still loving each other, but we fought all the time and started avoiding each other till one day we decided to take a break.

Why isn’t love enough? This goes for friendships and relationships. Cause both can end even when there’s still love there. I go back and forth between believing that relationships can survive even if it seems like the love between you is all you have. But sometimes I just don’t believe that love is all you need to stay with someone. There are so many other things. Respect, honesty, trust, laughter, affection. These things are also needed to make a relationship work. I know some people would probably argue that without these things then you don’t have love either, but again where did the love go? It was there and then as these things go does it just disintegrate? I think that love can still be there even when these things aren’t. But at the same time I think respect, honest, trust, laughter and affection are needed to make a relationship work. If you still love someone but these other things aren’t present then obviously something in the relationship isn’t working. Is that the time you give up and say you don’t want to be together? Or is that the time that you count on your love to bring you through and hope that one day those things will come back?

This brings me to my current boyfriend. Things are still good and great and wonderful so I don’t want to do too much reflection, just kinda look at the facts then look at the similarities and differences of my “I love you” moments. We hadn’t been together very long before the first time I wanted to say “I love you” to him and if he hadn’t of said it when he did I’m sure eventually I would have just busted out and screamed it at him. About a month ago we attended my sister’s wedding and it was all just so romantic, pretty and happy. We danced a hundred slow dances together and I would just look up at him (he’s very much taller than me) and think wow what an amazing guy this is that was brave enough to come to a huge family event like this after only being together a month and a half. That night he told me that he didn’t want to tell me he loved me but that he was definitely falling for me. I was happy with that reaction. Another month went by and everything just kept getting better and we were still very luckily just as happy with each other. About a week ago we went out karaoke-ing (how we met) and he was introducing me to the last of his friends that I hadn’t met. I make horrible, horrible first impressions and was incredibly nervous about the whole situation. Afterwards I had a mini-girlie-emotion attack in the car while we were leaving and while trying to calm me down he said “you’re gonna make me say it now aren’t you? I love you Tyler” and that just of course made me cry even more and he said it again and then I told him that I loved him too. Now considering it’s been barely a week I sure as hell hope we both still feel the same way but it’s just so nice. I just look at him now and am so happy just knowing that there’s this great guy who loves me and that I love too.

Comparing this to the others- I’ve always been told “I love you” at night and in the later nighttime hours. Like I said earlier I’ve never said “I love you” first. The biggest difference with my current boyfriend and the others is that this is the first time I’ve said “I love you” right back, all the others it took me a while to finally get to that same place. No judgment or reflections on this love compared to the others since it is so new. Right now it is just love.

Meeting the Parents

It's been years since I met a boyfriend's parents...years! Like 4- Mike's parent's don't count cause he was my situation not my boyfriend at all. So it was Ben's parent's back in 2005 and before that it was back in 2003 when I met the Wolff's and before that Ryan's back in 2002. So I don't have a lot of experience with that sort of thing and that makes me kinda nervous...less nervous actually and more anxious. To me the family this isn't that big of a deal. I have a huge family between the 3 families I have it usually ends up being like 5 seperate holiday

Meeting parents after college I think has to be different though. I mean in High School and college it was easy to say, "oh, she's a good girl, she makes good grades and stays out of trouble." But as an adult what do you say, "oh, she got her BA in History and now works as a Student Activities Coordinator?" What does it say about me that I didn't pursue a career with the degree I spent 80K on? I mean how do you qualify girlfriends after the college age. I guess since I'm in grad school you can say "She makes decent grades in Grad School" but still. Its different. My parents always ask the same thing, "Why does he do", "How did you meet" and "Where'd he go to school". Why don't they ever ask "why do you like him" or "what do you think about him"?

Bruce already met my family and they liked him, so that mean's all that's left is for his family to like me. I'm not sure if a holiday like Thanksgiving is the appropriate place though...I mean don't families usually fight on holidays? From what he's told me about his family it doesn't seem like their fighters but still. My family always fights on holidays either me and my sis or me and my mom. We're going to Houston and I'm getting nervous. I don't know what to pack to wear. I obviously don't want to wear too revealing clothing because Bruce and I are staying at hotel that way the sleeping arrangement thing doesn't make anyone uncomfortable so I'm thinking that conservative is the way to go. But at the same time Bruce has visible tattoos so if they see me all conservative and goody goody wont that seem a bit off? All my tats will be hidden cause it's cold so wont they think it's odd? I don't know I'm probably just over thinking it.

Okay only a few hours to stop being a spaz about this...

Simple Woman's Rainy Day Book

FOR TODAY

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Outside my window...

Students are students are studying in the Craft Room. In groups of 4, 3, 2 and by themselves. The room is full and all the tables have students at them. It's nice to see life in the Student Center again.
I am thinking...

About how nice it would be to be at home or in a coffee shop reading a book on this raining morning. The weather is changing and it's cooler so it'd be nice to get all bundled up with a good book.
I am thankful for...

Being inside and not on the road. San Antonio drivers are bad to begin with but even worse when it rains. I'm always afraid of getting in accidents when the weather gets like this.
From the learning rooms...(if this applies)

Students are studying. We have mandatory study hall for our Athletes and most of them just pretend to study but some might actually study since we have seen their grades improve since we started.
From the kitchen...

Or the cafeteria...we see students coming out with food, lots of energy drinks and hot chocolate. The coffee here is pretty weak but energy drinks are very popular. I just want to scream at the students "they're horrible for you!"
I am wearing...

A brown long sleeve dress and closed toe shoes. It's wet outside so I didn't want to have anything dragging on the ground but I also didn't want my toes to get cold. I'm also wearing an entirely too thin khaki jacket that is not keeping me warm at all.
I am creating...

A mess on my desk. I have paperwork that is completed it just needs to be filed. I also have business cards spilling everywhere and too many bottles of hand sanitizer.
I am going...

To pick up academic regalia eventually today, when it stops raining for tomorrows PTK inductions. Academic Regalia is heavy and may not all fit in my little little car.
I am reading...

"A Framework for Evaluating the Success of Early Academic Outreach Programs" and "The Texas Education Code" when I get bored with one I move back over to the other, cause both are long and wordy and don't hold my attention for long. For fun at home I'm reading "The Romantic Movement" and "Status Anxiety" by Alain de Botton both are wonderful.
I am hoping...

To go Karaoke-ing tonight after class cause I kinda want to sing to relieve some of this stress. I'm also hoping class goes by quickly tonight and it doesn't rain while I'm driving to and from Karaoke.
I am hearing...

Sonya's music through her earphones- I think it's R&B. I hear students studying- which means they probably aren't studying but chatting instead. I also hear ping-pong balls bouncing outside my door because we moved the ping-pong tables closer.
Around the house/office...

Carla is speaking to whoever will listen and it's hard to tell if she needs a response or not, Carrie and Trish are talking about budget while Sonya, Aaron and myself are in our own worlds.
One of my favorite things...

Is feeling accomplished enough at my desk to take a quick break to write a blog post. I've done almost half of my Tuesday To-Do List so I feel confident to take intermittent breaks.
A few plans for the rest of the week:

PTK Induction Wednesday Night, Thursday Night Music Club and Outdoor movies Friday Night- the weekend studying. I'll probably throw a little guitar playing in there somewhere and possibly sleep and food.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing...(add your picture here)

This is a picture of my sister and two of her husbands friends. Last Friday night after having dinner with her husband. Two of her husband's friends invited her out for a couple of drinks. Her husband didn't mind and let her go out with them (not that she needed permission but you get the idea). I thought it was incredibly cool that he didn't insist on going with her. I ended up going with her, but he just stayed home that night. They're still technically newlyweds and yet they seem so comfortable and set in their ways that they can go out with friends independently and don't always have to be together. I really like that.

xkcd.com

I'm kinda addicted to xkcd.com right now and this comment totally reminded me of my brother-in-law

Back to school...

Every fall while in undergrad I loved that second Sunday in August. I loved taking 1604 past Randolph, then I-10 East past Woman Hollering Creek and Marion where the Ware pare live. I loved taking the back road down HW 90 to get to campus 3 ½ minutes faster than taking the 46 exit. I loved moving back into the dorms at TLU and getting everything set up. I loved trekking to Hein for that first meal of the semester and I loved walking to chapel and the auditorium for opening convocations. That first step onto TLU for the fall semester always held such excitement and potential for greatness.

Monday I drove to UTSA- took the frustrating 40 minute drive (due to traffic) down I-10West from Downtown. I turned onto UTSA Blvd past Costco, past Valero and staked out the parking spaces in the main lot. I walked the mile from the parking lot to the Starbucks through the concrete cement unattractive corridors and hot outside of the non-green UTSA campus. From Starbucks I walked another ¼ mile to my classroom probably a mile and a half from where I actually parked. There was no joy, no potential for greatness, just the unattractive and non-green campus of UTSA. I didn’t get that great “welcome home” feeling like I’d received at TLU.

While SAC started school last week and most of UTSA did as well, I was one of the lucky ones whose class did not start till this week. UTSA started on Wednesday last week and my classes are Monday-Tuesday- score me! Anyways so I took the summer off from grad school and loved it. It was so nice to have my Monday and Tuesday nights back and I didn’t miss the boring reading or paper writing or anything. So needless to say I was kinda not looking forward to going back to school. The two classes I was taking also sounded really boring Multicultural Issues in Higher Education and Program Planning and Evaluation. “Multicultural? I totally took a class just like that last year” and “I’m a freakin’ activities coordinator, why the hell do I need Program Planning?”. These were my attitudes. Luckily I was super pleasantly surprised. My Multicultural class should be much better than the last one and actually have to do with Student Affairs in Higher Ed- yay! And my Program Planning class has all my friends in it and my favorite Professor in my department, so it too should at least be entertaining. The syllabuses look totally doable, even though this year my work load has tripled for the fall and I will be traveling every weekend in October, and not as time consuming as last year. I’m super excited about my classes and getting to see my friends every week.

I’m excited about school but wish UTSA was prettier, friendlier and smaller.

Dating by the stars...part 2

I’ve never dated a Virgo but after reading about their personality maybe I should. Virgos are supposed to be modest, reliable, practical, analytical, worriers, critical and conservative. Why haven’t I dated one of these before? Interesting. I’ll have to keep my eyes open for Virgos cause it seems like I could totally get along with that type of personality.

Libras are interesting. I’ve only dated one Libra before and he totally matched the easygoing, idealistic, charming, flirtatious, indecisive and gullible characteristics one associates with Libras. What initially attracted me to this sign was the easygoing charm he had. I later found easygoing to be laziness and his charm fleeting. He’s an okay guy and I’m sure perfect for someone but for a strong and driven Aries he just was not the one.

Scorpios are one sexy sign in my opinion. These men are forceful, direct, exciting, passionate, obsessive, emotional, and a little secretive. I’ve dated a couple Scorpios and they were great. They were all highly passionate and driven people. I saw a lot of similar traits between us and I think we were both attracted to the fact that we were both hard workers. But in the end that became the problem we were such work-o-holics that we forgot to make time for one another. But we’re still kinda friends even now.

I off and on date a Sagittarius. A freewheeling, fun-loving, easy-going, lazy, irresponsible, careless and reckless. Need I say more? For an A-typical Aries like myself that just does not mesh. This guy is great on the 3 days a year this Aries likes to let her hair down, but the rest of the time they can just be annoying. They don’t have schedules they don’t think practically and are content to just let things happen. I can’t imagine myself ever getting serious with a Sagittarius.

I have had several long-term relationships with Capricorns and was even engaged to one for a period of time when I was in college. Capricorns are great guys they’re patient, kind, practical, ambitious, a little pessimistic, disciplined and sometimes hold grudges. But the two I dated are/were (depending on my mood) just great, great guys. They were both very patient and when dealing with a moody Aries it is definitely needed. And they all had some ambition even if it leads them into bad fields. They are hard workers and can look at things practically. The reason these relationships fell apart was totally me- their patience sometimes seemed like they were just waiting forever- like they weren’t moving forward but in actuality they were just waiting for me to move the relationship forward.

I’ve also had two long-ish relationships with Aquarius’s and had the same problem with both. Their personalities are great and with both we started out as friends first. They are friendly, honest, loyal, unpredictable, creative, intellectual and sometimes unemotional. As friends these guys were great and we could talk for hours and hours on the phone I remember losing lots of sleep in high school talking to these boys. Unfortunately they did not live up to the “loyal” trait of their sign and both strayed causing our relationships to end. This leads me to tend to stay away from Aquarius’s now.

The last Fire and Water sign pairing of Pisces with Aries has also been disastrous. Fire and water don’t mix so I should have known better. All the Pisces I’ve known, male and female, have been a lot alike. They are secretive, blunt, critical, lost, loners, dreamers, intuitive and sympathetic. I’ve only dated on Pisces but having a once best friend a Pisces has also probably turned me off them for a while. They hate being judged but are totally judgmental. They were constantly trying to change me even though the Aries is the most stubborn sign. They are also completely unappreciative. The original mystery that attracts and Aries to a Pisces is totally lost when the Pisces refuses to stand up for the Aries like they’ll do for the Pisces.

The last sign I’ve dated is another Aries. They are just the male version of me and a whole lot of fun. We both had so much energy and passion for things that it was almost unbearable to spend time with anyone else. We hated to be apart and had to keep ourselves seriously distracted to keep from going crazy. I would definitely date another Aries because they are just too much fun and just a totally great match.

Overall I don’t date solely based on someone’s sign. But I definitely see the coincidences based on them and the similarities between them.