Usually by Thanksgiving evening I turn my radio to the San Antonio Christmas Station and listen to nothing else to Christmas Day. But this year I kept getting so annoyed with it and switched back to Garbage on my iPod, or Drive-By Truckers. I just couldn't do it! At work I was sometimes able to listen to the Pandora Christmas station, mostly because they played a lot of Michael Buble Christmas music and I do love me some Buble. I compromised and listened to Rent- totally a Christmas musical- but had to keep turning it down so my office neighbors wouldn't hear the lyrics.
As of Monday I had yet to buy a single Christmas gift. I had barely given it a thought! I just couldn't figure out what to get everyone! I started going out on my lunch breaks and knocked out some of the family members on my list but still it felt like I was just getting it out of the way.
I just don't feel Christmasy!!! Maybe it's because it's my first Christmas since I left SAC, maybe it's because money has been tight this year, maybe it's because mama almost died earlier this year, maybe it's because I haven't sang Christmas Karaoke ONCE this year! maybe it's because Haley has a baby and everything will forever be different, maybe it's because I bought a house this year, maybe it's because in the next few years we may have a baby, maybe it's because I don't have a chimney, maybe it's because I'm afraid my puppies will eat my Christmas tree and it's behind a baby gate, maybe it's because we're all getting older and we'll all forever be different.
Maybe it's because I didn't watch Ally McBeal. Usually this time of year I re-watch Ally McBeal and see all the fabulous Christmas episodes. The one with the Christmas Unicorn, the one where Elaine finds a baby in Jesus' spot in a manger. The one where Elaine tries to sing with Taye Diggs pissing off Renee. But Ally McBeal always makes me super emotional and Haley says I can't watch it unless I'm in a different frame of mind (she says that in her way).
I don't know, I'm just in a Christmas funk. I haven't wanted to watch "Prancer" or "Little Women" or "Meet Me In St. Louis" either.
I did at least discover a new Christmas song that I am in love with and whenever I hear it this year it does make me happy.
