I don't wanna NaNoWriMo

So I don't really want to write a novel, mostly because I don't think I have the creativity to do it.  I suck at keeping up with my blog and I suck at writing original songs, but I still enjoy writing.  I love writing letters- evident by the fact I've had a pen pal for in Australia for 13 years now who I write at least 5 times a week.  I enjoy the act of typing- partially cause I'm fast at it and partially cause I like the sound it makes- also cause I typer way faster than I can write by hand.  So instead of participating in NaNoWriMo I'm just gonna try to blog daily for one month.  I know lots of peeps who give themselves a full 365 challenge for writing but for me 1 month is gonna be sooooo hard for me to accomplish- little failures before big.

So tonight- Halloween I'm gonna start- yes early but whatever.

So a little over a month ago I picked up my life- severely disrupted my life- and moved to Bryan, TX for work.  I left my city, my family, my husband and my friends to come work for Texas A&M.  I left  city I'd lived in for all my life- Seguin doesn't count- and moved away from family for the first time in my life.  Such a horrible thing to finally get around to doing after 27 years.  I was so spoiled by having lived in my home city forever, that this move has been awful emotionally.

Professionally it is awesome.  I love my job, I work with amazing people and it's an amazing institution.  Everyday I'm at awe that I get to work there.  The culture, traditions and most importantly the people are so inspiring that I know I made the right decision professionally.  It's just reconciling the personal that makes it tough.

But a month and a half later, I have a couple of really good co-workers I'm happy to call friends.  I have a super fun friend to go out with for drinks and super fun friend to enjoy $4 movies with (BCS has $4 movies it rocks).  I've figured out my fave places and the quickest routes- although working 4 miles from my apartment- everything is pretty quick.  I'm getting the hang of things.  I still feel new here, but I no longer feel completely lost.

When I'm at work I'm super excited everyday by what I do, but when I get home it's a little tough.  So I hope that soon I'll get to be a little founder of this place I'm in for the foreseeable future.  Till then I'm excited that I get to go home for the first two time in November, once for my sister's annual anniversary trip to watch my amazing nephew and again for Thanksgiving.

So here's to November, a month I hope of writing and two trips home to be with my family and friends.

"It's scary in the dark when you're not here" *

Friends who know me know I’m not a “go-with-the-flow” kinda of person. I’m a planner. I like to know where I’m going, when, and how long I’m going to be there.   I’m okay with change; I just like to know how things are changing and what it means for me.   Change is fine as long as it’s planned far in advance and I have plenty of time to prepare for it. Schedules make me happy and planning things in advance is important to me so I don’t feel out of control.  I think control is the important word there.  I like to feel in control- even if I’m not, I like to know what going on cause it prevents feeling out of control. I’ve never considered myself a control freak though, I just like things planned and organized well.  Which anyone who has ever seen my house, or past apartments would probably laugh at cause while I’m not usually organized at home, professionally I am very organized and I also try to be socially as well.

So this thing I’m doing Saturday, picking up and moving from the only home, San Antonio, I’ve ever known is scary.  There is so much that is unknown.  There is so much that isn’t planned and organized.  I hired movers, so I know that come 10AM Saturday morning, they will arrive at my house, pick up my stuff and haul it off to Bryan, TX.  Once it gets there, they’ll unload it and leave.  And I’ll be left with my entire life in boxes, suitcases and storage bins, things will again need to find homes in a new location, but it’ll be an apartment, something that is not permanent.  Who knows how long I’ll live in this place.  I could love it and stay for 5 years or more, or I could hate it and start wanting to move back in another year.

When I get to A&M I’ll know two people (two people very well and another 3 in passing); two people from San Antonio, my stepbrother and a close guy friend.  I’ll have to make new friends, new friends who don’t know about my crazy scheduling needs and need for an organized social calendar.  The people I will wok with will be the ones I’ll probably initially cling to because I’ll be spending the most time with them.  But who knows if I’ll find people there I really click with.  I hope I do, after my daylong interview with them I’m pretty sure it was a “fit” thing they were looking for and why they selected me.

I don’t know when I’ll come home again.  My house will be rented out so I wont be going to “my home” but I’ll be coming back to San Antonio periodically, but where will I stay? My parent’s houses, my sisters, friends? I hope to make it down at least once a month, if for no other reason that so my nephew will see my face and still recognize me, still reach for me when I smile at him and still fall asleep in my arms when he feels sick.  Leaving my sister is the next hardest, she’s been my best friend for so long now and I’m so used to seeing her every week, talking to her everyday and just dropping by her house on the weekends when I had nothing else to do.  My mom is my random breakfast buddy, the person I can call when I’ve had a bad day and want to go somewhere and grab a drink, the person I call three times a day just to say hi.  I know my dad will come visit cause his stepson is there and his wife went to A&M and loves to go back.  My birth mom just had another daughter move away barely a month ago and now I’m leaving too.

I keep telling myself it’s only 2 ½ hours away (3 from my dad and sister) and that I’ll come home frequently, but when I come home I’m going to want to see all these people, I’m going to want to go to my favorite spots in San Antonio and see my friends.  I feel like such a wimp sometimes, because I know so many people move away from home at such a younger age, I’m 27 I shouldn't be so maudlin about this all, but I can’t help it.  I feel like there’s just so much change all at the same time.  I’m good with change usually, but this will definitely be the biggest one I’ve ever made.  I know my new office will help make me feel welcome; the outpouring of support they’ve already shown me is overwhelming.  My kitties will be with me so I can fulfill my goal of becoming a crazy cat lady.  My mom is coming up for a few days when I move, but gosh when she leaves I’m going to be a mess!  But I know it’s an amazing opportunity and I underneath all the fear and trepidation I am so excited.


*Title from the song my amazing UCPC students had dedicated to me last night at CoffeeHouse- "Scary in the Dark" by Valise Stalk them here, they're amazing.

They're only days.

2,094 days ago I graduated from TLU with my BA in History.

2,000 days ago I started a job at San Antonio College in Student Activities, I did a little bit of everything there.  I worked with student organizations, student leaders, faculty advisors, student fees, recreational sports and activities.  I was 12 when I started- not really I was 21, but it felt like 12.

632 days ago I got engaged.

604 days ago I left my job at San Antonio College.  

600 days ago I started my job at UTSA in the University Center.  I get to supervise students, advise a program council and curate an art gallery.  Such a cool combination of my BA skills and my Masters.

508 days ago I bought a house.

503 days ago I got married.

494 days ago mama fell into a coma.

491 days ago I graduated with my M. Ed. but did not walk.

488 days ago mama woke up.

484 days ago I cancelled our honeymoon.

292 days ago my amazing nephew Isaac was born.

162 days ago I turned 27 and my boss’ boss suggested I start looking for new job opportunities.

99 days ago I had a video interview with Baylor. (not selected)

81 days ago I had an in person interviewed with UT Austin. (not selected)

73 days ago I had a phone interview with Texas A&M University.

51 days ago I had an in person interview with TLU. (not selected)

18 days ago I had an inperson interview at Texas A&M University.

17 days ago my husband moved out of our house.

15 days ago TAMU made me a job offer and I submitted my resignation to UTSA.

10 days ago my last art exhibit as a curator at UTSA opened.

7 days ago I found an apartment in Bryan, TX.

Yesterday I hired movers.

The last 6 years have been really busy, I’ve done a lot, I’ve learned a lot and I wouldn’t change any of it- except maybe the mama falling into a coma- that really wasn’t necessary.  But they’re only days behind me now, good days, bad days, scary days and I’m looking forward to the next 2,000 days and the excitement they’ll bring.

In 12 hours my husband will move out for good and back to Houston. *

In 6 days I’ll have my last Gallery 23 reception at UTSA.

In 8 days I’ll leave my house, family and friends in San Antonio and move to Bryan, TX.

In 10 days I’ll be starting a new job at Texas A&M in Student Activities.  Where I will oversee the registration process of their over 800 student organizations, advise a student activities sponsored organization, work on the concessions committee and do risk management presentations for student organizations.



*I’m not ready to talk about it. We’re separated and my father is filing our divorce papers, we’ll both be okay, but for now I'm just not ready to talk about it.

Review: Rebecca

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



I heard so many great things about this book before I even read it. First I saw it recommended on GR, then I saw it recommended on Jezebel, and then I heard from a friend it was one of their favorite period mysteries. So I gave it a try and loved it! This is a genre I need to read more of- Gothic, romance, mystery! I loved the time period and the setting. It had a Gosford Park feel to me that I love, also a [b:The Thirteenth Tale|40440|The Thirteenth Tale|Diane Setterfield|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1290715469s/40440.jpg|849453] feel as well.

First off this book was very predictable, all the mind games I guessed right away, I always knew what was coming, but I found myself wanting to read it more and more because I wanted to make sure I was right. We never learn the protagonist's name and I loved it, it made her less of a character and living in a shadow, even though the whole thing is about her. I love that Rebecca isn't even alive, but she's a part of the story- a huge part.

Max the male lead is a bit unhinged, so it's kinda hard to see where his character is going, but all the while it's very believable the way he reacts to things. All of his staff are great and Mrs. Danvers may be the most creepy and horrifying character I've read in a while.

I hope I can find more books like this cause I truly enjoyed it. The only reason it doesn't get 5 stars is cause it was really predictable and I wanted it to be longer.



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Review: Music for Torching

Music for Torching by A.M. Homes

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



Overall this is a very good book. I like the way it's written. Another book about dysfunctional marriages- I'm in a dysfunctional marriage-book rut. A suburban couple with two kids live in a very close knit community- all the neighbors rotate and have all the couples over for dinner every week, all the kids friends are in the same neighborhood and all the husband seems to work in NY. Most of the married couples are perfect and our main characters are far from it. Paul and Elaine feel trapped, their in a rut and decide burning their house down will be the best way out of it. This backfires - well actually there's a lack of fire and the house instead just gets minimally damaged, the rest of the book finds them staying with the perfect couple in the neighborhood and their kids staying with their best friends.

While the fire is the main plot point that drives the book, everything that follows it is so minor. Sure the spouses are cheating, but they don't have guilt about it, sure their kids are kinda little shits, but no one really calls them on it. It's a very interesting look at suburban life that makes you feel like you're intruding on your friends uncomfortable fight. Like a burning house, you can't look away cause you don't know what's going to happen next, will the fire be contained or will it move on to the next house and devour another family.

Elaine is the more screwed up character although both have serious issues and probably shouldn't be allowed to be parents. But Elaine is so desperate for change that she tries anything she can to get out of her normal shell. Paul's affair seems pretty real and typical, nothing too exciting there. But overall you feel like this is just a simple story of two people experiencing a midlife crisis at the same time- both are scared that their life is stale, but luckily they also both agree to try to fix it.

The last section of the book takes a huge step in another direction and I was pretty shocked by the action, then the end leaves you totally high and dry and you're left to wonder what the resolution is. Overall a really good book where very little actually happens.



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Review: The Magician King: A Novel

The Magician King: A Novel by Lev Grossman

My rating: 4 of 5 stars



I won this book on GR give-away but hadn't read the first book yet so I had to go back and read that one first. And by read I mean listen to the audiobook on my 900 hour drive to North Texas a few weeks ago. So then I set in for this book.

I liked this book a lot more than the first book [b:The Magicians|6101718|The Magicians (The Magicians, #1)|Lev Grossman|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1313772941s/6101718.jpg|6278977], I feel like this book had so much more original content which was kinda my biggest complaint about the first book. I liked that the majority of this book was spent in Fillory and that it brought in some new characters and went back to some of the old as well. The ending was super depressing, but I think I would have felt cheated if it had been a happy ever after fairy tail since nothing else in these books every happened that way.

The main character Quentin is so hard to like, all he does is complain and nothing is ever good enough for him. At some time I felt like the author was trying to make his an unlikeable character and goodness he succeeded. He always thought he deserved more than he did. It's funny to have a main character that it's impossible to root for, but here one was. I feel like all the supporting characters except the ones who died were such better and more likable people.

But even still I really enjoyed this book. I really enjoyed going back and forth between the Quentin story and Julia's backstory, I would have loved to hear how Julia hooked up with the old gang from the first book, cause her story was actually very interesting. Like happened a lot in the first book it did seem to skip over some very important parts, but that's okay cause you could mostly fill in the gaps. Also like the first book the brutality of some of the scenes was intense- maybe I haven't read enough fantasy books but there are some brutal murders and sexual experiences that are just not right. But again it definitely separates itself from Harry Potter and the Narnia books.

I hope he writes another book about this, although I don't know if it should be about Quentin- I'd like to see what Bingle and Julia end up doing, or more about the FTB peeps.



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Gone Girl- Ten Months of Puppy Parenting

This post has nothing to do with the amazing book Gone Girl I just read and reviewed below.  But I liked the name and felt like it was appropriate to describe my weekend.  Last September Bruce and I adopted two puppies- Hera and Helia.  We were so excited to bring them into our lives and love them and train them.  However somewhere along the way we got lost and couldn't figure out how to fit them in our lives anymore.  We didn't have the time to dedicate to their training, we were never home, their 8 lbs of puppy turned into 40+ lbs of dog each!  Life got in the way, our lives no longer could revolve around them and they became more of a burden for us.  So in April we decided that after months of trying to figure it out we'd have to give them back to the rescue we got them from.

When we adopted them from Give A Dog a Home- San Antonio we did so with the understanding that if we ever had to give them up, move and couldn't take them, or something else prevented us from keeping them, then they would go back to the rescue and not to a shelter.  So we waited 3 months in order to keep that agreement, the rescue wasn't able to take them at first and it was frustrating for us because we had made the very hard decision to give them up and seeing them everyday after that decision was made kept making me rethink if we were doing the right thing.

In mid-May my mom suggested maybe she and my grandma take in the little red one, Helia, she was our special-needs puppy and had some serious learning deficits, but was overall the calmer of the two and the younger.  Bruce took her over to my mom's where she started acting like the wonderful dog we knew she could be.  She has lots of other puppy friends there to play with and doesn't stay cooped up in puppy jail or outside all day, she's a lounger and now gets to lounge inside in the Air Conditioning.

This past Saturday Give a Dog A Home was finally able to take Hera back and I was dreading it all week.  I knew it was coming but was not prepared for how it was going to make me feel.  All day Saturday I had a horrible feeling in my tummy and would all of the sudden break out crying about her leaving! Around 3 that afternoon I met two girls who were going to take her to the rescue and I'm pretty sure they think I'm a basket case cause I couldn't stop crying.  I still feel completely terrible and awful about the whole situation and can only hope she finds a good home quickly- since I know Helia already has one.

I don't think we were the worst puppy parents by any means, but their life didn't consist of enough human interaction, they mostly kept each other company. Outside playing, and escaping frequently, or inside in their puppy jail- an area I blocked off in the entrance of our house.  I knew they could get more attention from people who didn't work weird hours, till 2 AM some days and who were gone all weekend- most weekends.

So now Hera is gone, I get sad whenever I look outside and don't see her anxious face waiting to come in, or when I woke up this morning for work and didn't have to let her outside and feed her.  Sookie the Viking Kitty is of course thrilled to have her house back and we'll hopefully be adopting another kitty soon.  Cats we can do, they take care of themselves and don't require as much parenting.

I know we did the right thing for Hera, but I'm still so disappointed it didn't work out, I feel like a puppy mom failure and now promise to never ever get a puppy again.  I hope she finds a fabulous family who loves her.